It's Chatterbox's Blog

 I think I have some ideas on what to write here but somehow it was gone with the wind. strangely I just wanna say that the year 2021 is pretty much a significant year, mainly contributed by one factor; CAREER SHIFT. oh yeah if you know me, you'd know that I always have underlying stories behind. Tapi who knows if I'll write it or not. We'll see, But I just wanna write that leaving my first job is probably one of the mindless decision Ive made in my life, but the most fulfilling decision ever. I had no regret.  Looking back, I do not wish that I'd leave it sooner. I left it at the right time. Right when I felt stuck, and at complete stagnant position. My voice was not heard, my suggestions were turned down prematurely, and I do feel like out of place. No, I do not put the blame totally on others, I do have mistakes on my part and I can admit it without hesitation, but it all worked for the better alhamdulillah, Does that means I faced ZERO challenge in my new career? No...

 ...Of all is.. losing a good friend It's tough to only see you from afar To only stand on the sidelines And watch you being surrounded by all these people, and I'm not one of them It's tough when the problem hits and you were the first person that jumped to my thoughts But I couldn't reach you I mean, i can, but why would I Why would I cause more pain to the dent I've created Why would you be there for me, when I'm the one who created all this mess in the first place Why would you stick around when we make no commitments that we will Why would you be thinking of me when your very own problems are all pinning you down You have all your problems, i shall live with mine I should slowly let this imagery of you fade away I will make prayer for you, everyday That you are healthy, happy and constantly smiling, laughing You might have to fight your battle but your heart is full I pray that you are always calm and content With or without me, your smiles will always be g...

 If you had known me as a person You knew that the word 'scared' doesnt roll off my tongue that easily But this time, I am truly scared of all the possibilities. I knew for fact that adulting is not easy, but nobody ever told me how lonely some process can be. I am surrounded with people, physically, but Allah knows how scared and alone I felt sometimes. To make a decision that would literally define my entire life path. Whose idea is it that I am eligible to make such HUGE decision all by my own? I usually know what I wanted in life, but at this very time and moment, I AM NOT

For me, the prime attributes of adulthood-is complexity We were never one clear layer of feeling our feelings are intertwined with one another we can be grateful and also be sad at the same time we can be happy and scared brave and insecure simultaneously confident and anxious we can smile and laugh, burying away our darkest, deepest pain We can feel guilty while we still think we did the right thing there's no winning in terms of adult emotion we can only let the people who feels- to feel freely don't diminish one's pain dont ridicule how 'small' one's problem is dont point out all the great thing in their life and remind them there's bigger problem in this world because pain, however petty it may seem might bleed out and turns malignant. let it heal, naturally.